Welcome back to Tales From Behind The Port-A-John. Today we shall be continuing with our Turtle Theory in this, part 4 of the multi-part segment. In the previous three segments, readers were introduced to the concepts of the Tadpole, Fish, and Fisherman. These segments can be read here.
Part 1
http://poopoutyourideas.blogspot.com/2011/07/turtle-theory-part-1.html
Part 2
http://poopoutyourideas.blogspot.com/2011/09/turtle-theory-part-2.html
Part 3
http://poopoutyourideas.blogspot.com/2011/11/turtle-theory-part-3.html
Well, enough of the shameless self-advertising. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Let us go on and enlighten ourselves about the most mystical and misunderstood creatures of the ocean blue. The turtle, also known by its scientific name as Testudines. But then again, that is not important. Let us begin.
The Turtle
The turtle is an ancient creature, much like the fisherman and the fish. They are mainly characterized by their unwillingness to either be caught by fishermen or catch fish. Thus, they are secretive and secluded creatures, often living alone or in groups of two or three. These turtles swim the oceans endlessly, only stopping for sustenance and rest. They observe without being observed, note without being noted, and you get the idea. Often, they are misunderstood and prejudiced against by fishermen, most of the time being labelled mistakenly as fishermen who are unable to catch fish of their own. As such, they normally do not get on very well with fishermen. Conversely and strangely, they often find that they can get on very well with fishes. Maybe its because fishes feel safe and that there is no danger in mixing with turtles. So the turtle roams endlessly, building opinions and gathering information on the ocean floor. The turtle is known to be a blind creature, unable to see what is happening around it. Yet, contrary to popular belief, the turtle is not deaf. It is able to hear remarkably well for a creature that spends most of its time underwater. It merely refuses to acknowledge the things it hears unless they are deemed important. As such, very little is known about turtles up till a point where even turtles are uncertain if they themselves are turtles.
THIS CONCLUDES PART 4. PART 5 IS COMING SOON!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
A long-awaited Break
Just a quick story here to intersperse between the segments of the Turtle Theory. Found this on the back of a Port-A-John in some school I was in. Why they have portable toilets, I do not know, but do not question what you have been blessed with.
Mouth is burning. Throat is dry, parched. Legs are about to fall off. There's a rumbling in my tummy. Why did I have to try the Chili Con Carne? It feels as though I'm excreting fire. Breath is coming in short spurts. I can barely move my arms. Every time I cough, I emit smoke and I let off another rocket. Any moment now, and I'm going to take off and fly.
No! I must be strong. I must leave my mark in this dark portable can. If not now, it will never happen. Okay, deep breaths, boy. Just let is out slow- oh damn. That WAS NOT slow. Is it me, or is it really hot in here? It kinda feels like a sauna. I had best be out of here before the heat melts the toilet walls and I'm left out here with my posterior hanging out for everyone to see. Honestly, I don't really mind, but I think the sight of a shiny red posterior would scare away a lot of kids. Possibly a boatload of kids.
Now that raises a question. How many makes a boatload? I suppose it depends on the number of boats you have. I think I could scare away a raft-sized boat full of kids, but if a boat the size of the Titanic came around, I don't think they'd be scared. Maybe they'd laugh and point at me. Oh no. They'll POINT at me! I should probably go right after this- oh wow. That hurt. Okay, maybe I'll go as soon as I can get up without excreting recently digested Chili Con Carne.
If there is anything I've learnt from this, it's to never eat Chili Con Carne, especially if its cooked by a Mexican looking guy who speaks with an Asian accent and claims to be selling "All-American Chili". If that was what America tastes like, I never want to lick it. Hang on, how do you lick a country? I supp-
At this point, the writing stops, and the wall is coated in a reddish-brown substance that is soft to the touch and feels slightly warm. I had better wash my hands after touching that. I think I saw a bean in there.
For those of you who don't know what Chili Con Carne is, check this out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chili_con_carne
Hey look! You're getting an edookayshun!
Mouth is burning. Throat is dry, parched. Legs are about to fall off. There's a rumbling in my tummy. Why did I have to try the Chili Con Carne? It feels as though I'm excreting fire. Breath is coming in short spurts. I can barely move my arms. Every time I cough, I emit smoke and I let off another rocket. Any moment now, and I'm going to take off and fly.
No! I must be strong. I must leave my mark in this dark portable can. If not now, it will never happen. Okay, deep breaths, boy. Just let is out slow- oh damn. That WAS NOT slow. Is it me, or is it really hot in here? It kinda feels like a sauna. I had best be out of here before the heat melts the toilet walls and I'm left out here with my posterior hanging out for everyone to see. Honestly, I don't really mind, but I think the sight of a shiny red posterior would scare away a lot of kids. Possibly a boatload of kids.
Now that raises a question. How many makes a boatload? I suppose it depends on the number of boats you have. I think I could scare away a raft-sized boat full of kids, but if a boat the size of the Titanic came around, I don't think they'd be scared. Maybe they'd laugh and point at me. Oh no. They'll POINT at me! I should probably go right after this- oh wow. That hurt. Okay, maybe I'll go as soon as I can get up without excreting recently digested Chili Con Carne.
If there is anything I've learnt from this, it's to never eat Chili Con Carne, especially if its cooked by a Mexican looking guy who speaks with an Asian accent and claims to be selling "All-American Chili". If that was what America tastes like, I never want to lick it. Hang on, how do you lick a country? I supp-
At this point, the writing stops, and the wall is coated in a reddish-brown substance that is soft to the touch and feels slightly warm. I had better wash my hands after touching that. I think I saw a bean in there.
For those of you who don't know what Chili Con Carne is, check this out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chili_con_carne
Hey look! You're getting an edookayshun!
Turtle Theory (Part 3)
Hello again. In the first two parts of our multi-part segment on the Turtle Theory, I introduced you people to the concept of the Tadpole and of the fish. These can be read at http://poopoutyourideas.blogspot.com/2011/07/turtle-theory-part-1.html
and
http://poopoutyourideas.blogspot.com/2011/09/turtle-theory-part-2.html
If you have not read any of these parts, I suggest that you do so. If, however, you insist on being a rock-headed pig with no respect for the rules, go right ahead. I am not stopping you. But I have stalled for too long. We shall now proceed to enlighten ourselves on the next parts of our Turtle Theory, that is the tale of the fisherman.
The Fisherman
The role of the fisherman, much like the fish, is an ancient one. Where there are fish, there will always be a fisherman or two. As the name implies, these fishermen are tasked with corralling and catching these fish. They search the wide oceans, hunting, occasionally in packs, but more often than not alone. They employ a wide range of lures and traps to catch their fish, often spiking these utensils with the most luscious of all bait. When they have identified their fish, they will move in for the kill. Again, please be reminded that this is a mere metaphor and that no actual killing is involved except in the case of psychopaths. Once catching said fish, fishermen may choose to either keep these fish as trophies and be content for evermore, or eat them, stripping them to their bony carcasses and hurling these empty shells back into the sea. It all matters on the personality of the fisherman. As such, the fisherman is almost always portrayed as the villain of this piece, the so-called bad guy, when in actual reality all he OR she wants is to have a fish of their own. Such pitiful misunderstandings often occur and can be damaging for life. Not the fishermen, but the fish.
THIS CONCLUDES PART 3. PART 4 IS COMING SOON!
and
http://poopoutyourideas.blogspot.com/2011/09/turtle-theory-part-2.html
If you have not read any of these parts, I suggest that you do so. If, however, you insist on being a rock-headed pig with no respect for the rules, go right ahead. I am not stopping you. But I have stalled for too long. We shall now proceed to enlighten ourselves on the next parts of our Turtle Theory, that is the tale of the fisherman.
The Fisherman
The role of the fisherman, much like the fish, is an ancient one. Where there are fish, there will always be a fisherman or two. As the name implies, these fishermen are tasked with corralling and catching these fish. They search the wide oceans, hunting, occasionally in packs, but more often than not alone. They employ a wide range of lures and traps to catch their fish, often spiking these utensils with the most luscious of all bait. When they have identified their fish, they will move in for the kill. Again, please be reminded that this is a mere metaphor and that no actual killing is involved except in the case of psychopaths. Once catching said fish, fishermen may choose to either keep these fish as trophies and be content for evermore, or eat them, stripping them to their bony carcasses and hurling these empty shells back into the sea. It all matters on the personality of the fisherman. As such, the fisherman is almost always portrayed as the villain of this piece, the so-called bad guy, when in actual reality all he OR she wants is to have a fish of their own. Such pitiful misunderstandings often occur and can be damaging for life. Not the fishermen, but the fish.
THIS CONCLUDES PART 3. PART 4 IS COMING SOON!
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