Warning: High sarcasm content. But you already knew that.
Catch Us If You Can, also known as Young Boy Flees From The Authorities, is an amazing book. It truly is, one of the best books I have ever read. These are some of the things I liked, no loved, about the book.
Firstly, the concept of the story. The story begins with a 12-year old boy named Rory looking after his "Granda", which seems to be a misspelling of the word "Grandpa". It seems to be a masterful effort to make the novel more realistic by putting in a main character who is referred to by everyone in this endearing fashion. Seriously. Everyone calls him Granda, even the newscasters. After all, its not as if there is a written record of his actual name that they can use. Besides, Granda always sounds much more awesome than say, Joe. Anyway, back to the story. It seems that this Granda is a badgering old coot, unable to so much as put on his own slippers without falling into Narnia. As such, it is predictable that Rory ends up being the one looking after Granda. Thus, hilarity ensues, involving a chip pan, apples, and a fire. As a result, Granda is hospitalized and Rory is put in a children's home. They even transfer Granda to an old folks' home, ad no one bothers to tell Rory. So, when Rory finds out, what does he do?
Obviously, the answer to the problem is running away. Rory sneaks into the old folks' home undetected and spirits Granda away. It's not as if they have security guards, do they? Those old people can't even run, why would security be needed? And yet Granda does run, fleeing into the forest. Rory, who by a stroke of luck has a friend who owns a caravan, takes Granda to said caravan where they live on tinned rations that have inexplicably been left in the caravan for at least six months. Because
you never know when you’re going to go caravanning. Due
to a leak of information, Rory and Granda find themselves cornered by the
police who claim that they “only want to help”. Obviously they’re both going to
correctional facilities. The police trip over their own feet in enthusiasm to catch
these hardened criminals, and Rory is helped along the way by a group of
travellers with nothing better to do than to help a grandfather and his
grandson. They are even brought to a little glen where they have a party, just like in the good old days. Except that everyone has a handphone. Some party, eh? Anyway, soon the police get wind of them and they're on the road again.
This time, they flee by means of a train. Because no one looks at other people on trains. They are soon, predictably enough, spotted and flee. More hilarity ensues in which an old man hot-wires a car and assaults a youth. Soon, the car runs out of petrol but luckily, the nearest petrol station is a deserted one. In the middle of nowhere. Which is great for business. Unsurprisingly, they are caught yet again, but the person who catches them, who is creatively named Rab, decides to help them. Oh, not by taking them to the authorities where a freezing Granda will receive medical attention, but he decides to help them get to Liverpool where Rory's father happens to live. It does seem a little strange though, that a police force who cannot track down an old man and his young grandson can track down a man who has disappeared from Rory's life for 12 years and whose only record lists him as Granda's son with nobody knowing where he has relocated to. I wonder how they found him. Google, maybe?
So Rab sets up a chain of people consisting of his girlfriend and his girlfriend's sister to take Rory and Granda to Liverpool. Did I mention that this chain took only a few hours to set up? Soon, Rory and Granda are on the road again, singing Frank Sinatra songs and talking about the French Resistance. Because they can. Meeting with the next part of the chain, Granda finds out that they are going to Liverpool to meet his son and rages obstinately because he does not agree with this part of the plan. The next day, Granda becomes very ill but Rory still refuses to go to a doctor because that would defeat the purpose of running away. Well, I suppose that Granda dying also defeats the purpose of running away, but the thing is, Granda cannot die because God Mode is always on in kids' novels.
Concerned, Norma, whose house Rory and Granda happen to be holing up in, calls the police. Rory panics and decides to flee based on word from a young girl who calls him to tell that the police are coming. He runs with Granda into a forest where the sickly Granda finally gives out and dies. It seems as though Rory's plan is doomed to fail. But wait! Rory finally goes to the police and Granda is saved! But is it too late?
Obviously, Granda does not die. He recovers well and meets Rory's dad and his new family. A happy ending arrives, and we arrive at the conclusion of the story. Rory and Granda leave Scotland forever and settle down in Liverpool. They enjoy the relative luxury of Britain's social service, which was strangely absent in Scotland. In other words, they live happily ever after.
Or do they?
The End.
What a great book, full of suspense and surprises. It even makes sense, in a twisted sort of way. I think. Oh well.
