Traits.

They say traits are something you’re born with. They say that the moment you emerge into the light of the world, your life is laid out before you. There are no junctions or forks in the road, they say. Only bends and sharp corners. It is, after all, life. There is no human element in life. Your path is already chosen for you. Who you are, what you do, where you go. All set out neatly before your eyes. However, what if, what if you could break away from the path? What happens then? Does one simply go insane, as I would imagine? Does one degenerate into a husk of a person, less than human? Maybe that is how those who are mentally unstable are formed. Maybe.

I believe that I have traveled down this road. I used to know what I wanted, where I wanted to go. Now, I’m not so sure. Life seems to have dealt me an interesting hand. Maybe, if we could look back. Look back at our actions. Maybe it’s just karma. After all, nothing comes without a price. Maybe that’s how traits are formed. Your traits are all just based on your karma. With every action comes an equal and opposite reaction, or so they say. Does this mean that your attitude towards life, your personality, all of it is based on your past life or past actions? That doesn't even begin to make sense.

It is a human fault, I suppose, that we only see the best in ourselves. Very rarely do we look at our own visages in the mirror and think of what there is to be corrected. Very rarely do we stare into our own eyes and attempt to pry away at the layers covering our souls. Very rarely do we ever contemplate our past mistakes. The past is the past, after all. We need to live in the now and look forward to the future. But sometimes, sometimes we can correct the future by fixing the past. I cannot even begin to count the number of mistakes I have made in my life, small yet significant mistakes.

Thinking about these things can drive a person to the brink. I do believe that I am at the edge, afraid to look over lest I fall over, yet afraid to return lest I am shunned for my cowardice. I believe that there is no place for me. Lacking the traits to be a contributing member of society, I am a mere shadow, who spends too much time on the Internet behind the veil of seeming anonymity. Sometimes, I do long to tear away the veil, but the longing never turns to actual action. Maybe cowardice is just a trait I have. After all, they say traits are something you’re born with.