Here's a story I found carved into the frost on a Port-A-John in the middle of a park Northern Hemisphere.
It's cold out here. Why did I even choose to go out here? Oh wait, it's because I don't have a home. I see bare trees, bare in the way polar bears aren't. Ha ha. Bare and bear. Geddit? That is just not funny but I suppose I have to write something here. Well, what shall I write? I should have brought a book to read. But what's done is done, there's no turning back.
Where shall I start? Oh yeah, the other day, something odd happened to me. A small kid threw a snowball at me. Me! Gullie Bulfool the third, the CEO of BananaBuilder Industries. For your information, we do not build bananas, rather we process them. Ever eaten banana jam? It'll be the next big craze, that I can tell you. Oh wait, gotta pause, something's coming. Ah... that's much better.
OK, where was I? Oh yes, the banana jam. I can't tell you exactly what's in it, but I can assure you it has something to do with bananas. Great. Now I'm out of ideas. What's next? Oh yeah, my court hearing is next week. My wife is suing me for $20 000 just because I haven't spoken to her in two weeks. Oh come on, it was just two weeks! I'm a very busy man, don't you know. So, the bottom line is, I've got a lawyer who claims that he'll win the case for me. His name is Mr. B.A. Deliar. Weird name, I know. He has a pet monkey, you know.
I love that cute little critter. Especially when boogers start to drip out of his nose. That always happens when he goes out in the cold for a while and then comes back in. I wonder what his boogers taste like. Do they taste like fish? After all, they say monkey tastes like chicken. Therefore, by the law of averages monkey boogers should taste like fish. Maybe they have a show on that on the Animal Planet. I should probably check it out when I get home. I'll be right back, something else is coming.
Man, that felt good. Now what? There's this new social networking tool on the line, or so I'm told. The call it Facebook or something like that. I don't get it. Why would they call it Facebook if the people using it weren't actually facing real books? Or is it something like Macbook, something that you can carry around? I don't know. Well most of my staff are already using it, so why not? I might sign up for it later, as soon as I get out of this hellhole they call a portable toilet. Whoa, what's happening? The whole thing is shifting, as though it's being carried. Oh my God! It's hooligans! Help me! I need to get out! There are so many things that I need to know! What do monkey boogers taste like, for instance. Oh no. I'm being carried right now. Thank goodness, I'm back on solid ground. I'll just get out now and run home as fast as I can. Goodbye.
At this point, the carving gives way to another, detailing the many ways to cook rat meat so that it may be edible. Further under that, there in another inscription, barely visible under the frost. It reads, "Evolve animalia populo autem stercoris semper eadem manet."
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